I Betrayed You

I couldn't control me. My anger, the hatred, all the bad thoughts I would keep down, dismiss, not worry about. It had all boiled to the surface.
The result?"
I'd become a monster.

Tears welled in my eyes even before I opened them. My throat constricted and dry. The nightmare had ended, I could feel that. I was back in control. I had my emotions...the bad ones...in check once more.
I...I didn't want to wake up though.
My reality had become a living nightmare. One I didn't want to live in.
I sat up slowly, wincing as my shoulder twinged. I'd hurt that pretty bad, but not as bad...I couldn't look at the faces of the people around me. I sensed they were on the defensive, ready to attack me if I decided to attack them. In one swift day. I swallowed, pivoting slowly on the bed, away from them letting my hair cover my face. "I'm alright....now." I said, knowing that I didn't sound alright at all. But I had to give them something. Some sort of comfort even if it was for nothing. I hugged myself tightly, wishing the memories of my actions wouldn't be so fresh in my mind. Knowing that...that I'd...I'd killed....tears ran down my cheeks.
"Are you sure?" A stranger asked me. "You're not feeling...murderous now?"
I flinched. "I'm sure." I told him in a wobbly voice. "Please....leave....please."

******

I fell to my knees, in front of the freshly filled graves. The headstones too shiny, too new. I couldn't see the names carved there, blurred by my tears.
Shaking in agony. I knew who was there. And each grave drove a barbed spike into my heart. Jimmy my closest friend, Hunter my crush, Avery my other best friend, Little Bill my brother, and my Father Jean.
Gone.
Dead.
Buried.
Because of me.

Because of me.

******

"Don't I know you?"
"Probably, wish you didn't though." I muttered, my hoodie further down to hide my face. I wished nobody knew who I was. Nobody would have gotten hurt if I'd just stayed a nobody instead of trying to make a difference in the world. I should have just dug my own grave and hid in there. I didn't even know why I still lived, still tried to help others...
Okay I knew. I couldn't face my family and friends on the other side. I couldn't bear to have them think of me as a monster. I just...just wanted to prove that I was as good as I....but how could I be good....after....after everything?

-Inspiration -From watching Supergirl -Red Kryptonite.