Leaving Him

I had every intention of going back when I got into my car.
I forced myself to smile at my husband as he stared at me from the doorway. Giving him a reassuring wave. I was only going to be gone for a couple of days. I would be back soon enough.
It became more difficult to keep the smile as his frown deepened, his dark eyes burning into mine, and I couldn't but feel like I had already betrayed him. He hadn't wanted me to go on this trip. Not alone. Leaving him was the last option, but we had to do it.
He was concerned about me driving by myself, and I was concerned too. I'd never made a long drive by myself before. But his work wouldn't allow him to take the time off to travel with me.
But somebody needed to go finish filling out the paperwork to finally sell off our old townhouse. And since he couldn't leave, and the new owners wanted to move in ASAP....it was left to me.
I clenched the steering wheel. I would mess this up, he believed I would. That we wouldn't get the money we needed to from the house. My shoulders hunched. My husband wouldn't be happy when I got home. He never seemed to be happy anymore, no matter what I did. I couldn't make him happy like I used to.
Please....please....let me be able to do this one thing right. I would go over the paperwork eight times, reading every single word making sure it was all to standard and fine.
This would be fine.
I could do this.

I drove off into the morning sun, my breathing coming unsteadily as I got further and further away from my husband. I would be back. I would be back. Triumphant. With every 'i' dotted and 't' crossed, and he would smile at me like he used to. Hold me close, tenderly kiss me and tell me how amazing I was. He would be happy, when I returned.


I wouldn't return.

*****

The flashing blue and red lights were my first indication that someone had finally stopped to help me.
They reflected in the snow, nearly blinding me as I looked up from my huddled position beside the flat tire I'd tried fruitlessly to remove from my little Honda.
I probably looked like a deranged lunatic, I knew my mascara had run by the black streaks on my hands.
"Ma'am" The officer called as he got out of his car. "Are you alright?"
My throat was so clogged from sobbing that I couldn't do more than shake my head.
I was hopeless. Fresh tears flowed from my aching eyes. I'd known that I shouldn't have taken this journey by myself. Would my husband have gotten a flat tire? No, he wouldn't have. I must have driven over a nail, a piece of glass, a sharp rock. And gotten myself into this mess. My husband would have avoided any thing that would pierce the tire. If he'd gotten a flat tire he would have had it fixed in no time at all.
(What if the husband purposely made the tire go flat in the first place?)
I couldn't even call for help! My phone had died on the journey because I'd been a fool and not realized it would be searching for a cell signal the entire time I navigated my way through the mountains. My first venture out by myself since before I got married, and I was failing miserably at it.

-Inspiration from a blog post.