Stubborness

She clung to life, but just barely. 
"Hold on. Please. Just hold on." I whisper as I cradle her head in my lap. There was so much blood everywhere, but she was far from being just the only victim. Other bodies lay still around us. Even my own blood had made it's mark around us. "Please, hold on." I whisper once more, trying to hold as still as possible. If she could just hold on, if she could make it, then maybe...just maybe I would make it too. 
But she was so still. And I...I was so weak.
"Hold on." I mumbled, fighting to keep my eyes open. I wasn't sure if I was talking to her or myself now. "Hold on. Help will come." 

-Inspiration from the top of my head

Not Restful

Those days where you need a nap but you know a nap will give you a headache, but if you don't take a nap you will end up with a headache anyway.
Like do I get some sleep and suffer upon waking up.
Or forgo the sleep and suffer from a headache because I haven't had enough sleep?

Currently thinking i'll forgo sleep because trying to sleep hasn't helped the last couple of times.

Brain: So you remember that story concept we were working on?
Me: ...Yah?
Brain: What if we split that concept into six different ones! You know! Like have the same story go six different ways depending on a person's decision?
Me:....Can't we just pick one decision and stick with that?
Brain: What's the fun of that?

Tired

It's the lack of getting in my naps so a lack of sleep, plus the stress of a long work day, along with worrying over some friends....

That has a slight ache building behind my eyes. 
The tension in the shoulders.
The tiredness of the eyes.

A bit of rest should hopefully help.
Hopefully. 

Self-Reliant

Every morning my parents left without a word. If I was awake, I would hear the door slam. There were no words of love, no goodbyes stated. Instead, when I ventured out of my room, barely able to walk, I would find the TV on as my babysitter, a large tray full of treats placed on the coffee table. I knew no authority. I could do whatever I wanted until my parents came home. It was then I moved to the shadows. Watching them as they ignored me. Providing only the bare basics. 
I didn't understand that this wasn't normal. 
I was too young then, too young to realize the state I had been found in when the officers in blue came knocking on my door. 
To me it was normal. 
To me...I was used to acting on my own. 

-Inspiration from reading a story 

The Talk

I placed a hand on my chest, trying to keep my pounding heart from breaking free. I could do this. I could do this. Slowly I rose, trying to remember to breathe as I made my way to the front of the room. I could do this. Don't trip. Keep your eyes ahead, don't look at anyone. Keep your heart from jumping out. I could do this. I could do this. Breathe. Breathe. 
I turned, facing my audience and forced myself to smile though inside I just wanted to huddle behind the podium. Opening my mouth, projecting an air of confidence I hardly felt, I spoke.

-Inspiration from personal experience 

Me: I have all these plans to wri--
Friends: LET'S HANG OUT!!! 
Me: But....
Brain: You know you should go be social a bit more. 
Me: But...
Brain: You haven't seen these people in forever.
Me: But....writing?
Brain: Go!! 
Me: *pouts* 

Still Trapped

I stand at the window, watching another failed challenger leave the mansion.
I breathe out slowly, my hands clenching on the sill. 
Another failure. I had had such high hopes this time.
Hopes that this time, this challenger would finally figure out the riddle that had held me trapped on this property for the past ten years. 
But again, I am left disappointed. 
My hope dimmer. 
Could it be, I wondered as I turned away to head back into the darkness that I'd called home, that this riddle was not meant to be solved? That it was my Lord's last joke on me. To keep me trapped here in this place I hated? 
At this point it wouldn't surprise me.
Though I had hoped he would have had some compassion on me as he laid dying. 
Perhaps my hope was nothing.
Perhaps.
I exhale. 
Maybe the next challenger will succeed.
Maybe.

-Inspiration from watching an episode of Detective Conan

Green Means GO

The revving of an engine startled me from my thoughts. 
I glanced into my side mirror, seeing a dark motorcycle behind me.
Revving it's engine super loud. Was he trying to make an impression?
I frowned. It wasn't working. There was no need---
He honked a little beeping sound, his engine revving louder.
Reflexively I looked up staring at the green light in front of me blankly before I realized.
Oh. 
Green. Green means go. I needed to go.
My foot slammed down on the gas, jerking me forward as I raised a hand in apology to the motorcyclist behind me.
Geez. Where was my head? When had the light turned green? My hands tightened on the wheel. I really hoped it hadn't been green when I stopped. 
I glanced in the review mirror, internally flinching when I saw the motor cycle still right behind me.
I checked my speed and swallowed. 
Hoping, hoping this guy would pass me soon.
Because I didn't want to be on the other end of his ire if my mind drifted again.
Though with him right behind me I made sure to be diligent at the lights as I wove through down town.
With him still behind me.
My shoulders hunched.
Was he following me?
Was he really that mad?

He signaled suddenly.
Moving into the turning lane at the last lighted intersection I would encounter before reaching my home.
I exhaled in relief as he passed by me without a glance.
Perhaps, perhaps he'd already forgotten me. 
I really hoped so. No need for anyone to remember the girl who stopped at a green light. No need at all.

-Inspiration from personal experience after work today

Pain

It probably began with a lack of real sleep last night. Where my mind was too excited to let me rest. But then the strains of a long work shift, coupled by unexpected visitors to work that got me slightly tense, as well as customers that just...got on my nerves...

I suppose a headache wasn't that unexpected.
But it's one of those bad headaches that just...kinda makes me want to curl up in a ball and moan. Because it hurts. It makes me feel sick, and its refusing to go away no matter what I do.
I mean, there are periods where it's less painful, but it hasn't yet totally faded and I just want it gone. 

Hopefully a night of real sleep will help it...
But if it's too painful I may be in for another restless night and another work shift being sleep deprived. :S

Strain

It was strain really.
Strain from emotional/mental problems.
Strain from dealing with a crazy day at work.
Strain from not getting enough sleep.

So it's no surprise really that I woke up this morning with a slight headache. 
Because it was just a tense day yesterday. 

Thankfully working out my muscles and some meds seems to have helped it fade. 

Brain: So you know that sad event that happened last night?
Me: Yah? It was unfortunate, but I really don't want to focus on it right now.
Brain: But we should.
Me: We shouldn't.
Brain: We should. Because what if? What if we could have done something differently to make that outcome better? 
Me: Since it's already happened, we can't do anything to change it.
Brain: But we should still consider everything we could have done.
Me: No. 
Brain: Yes!
Me: *pulls out distraction* How about we think of this instead?
Brain: Oooo!!  *distracted*

Together Again

Outwardly I smile, but inside....I'm withering. Each passing moment where we're together, me, my spouse and child...it feels like old times. 
Back when we weren't divorced.
Back when we were happy, in love, willing to spend our lives together.

Somewhere along the way things had fallen apart. My spouse, going through a midlife crisis. Everything we'd built up together, done together, thrown into a bonfire because...because I wasn't enough anymore. 
My spouse had wanted a chance to start over. To discover who they were.
And who they were apparently didn't involve me. 

I sit, at the table, feeling like old times.
Because my child, grown into a capable adult had come back from their time overseas. 
Because my spouse sat laughing at the stupid things I would say, would smile to our child and....
My hands clenched on the fork as I looked down at our meal.

It didn't feel like we were divorced.
No it felt like old times.
It felt like we were still a family.
But the knowledge I held in my head told me otherwise. 

Divorced.
Separated.
We shouldn't be getting along.
Yet we were.

I look up, keeping my smile on with an effort. 
I just wanted us to work out.
I wanted us to go back to how it was.
But until my spouse was ready, ready to join us together again.
I could only do my best to be the best I could be.
So if, no when, the time came to remarry. 
I would be able to hold my head up high and know that I'd done what I could to bring us back together.
Even if we were separated for just a little while now. 

-Inspiration from a conversation

Dear Brain; Why did you have to think of a Prequel Idea to the story I'm currently working on? Now I'm completely distracted

Me: It doesn't really matter what breed of dog this character is.
Also Me: *spends 45 mins on the internet searching for the right breed of dog*

Origins: Cue Flames

A muted thud, a sudden roar.
He turned, only having time to widen his eyes, open his mouth as a wall of flames engulfed him. 
The terror was instant, the pain long lasting, and death.....death did not come. 

He stirred, arms stiffly moving up to his eyes, rubbing at the gunk covering them until he could blink, he could see. 
See the face of a shocked fire fighter in front of him.
"You're...you're..." the man stuttered.

He glanced down, realizing he was still standing, covered in a thick layer of soot, almost like someone had caked mud all over him and turned him into a plaster statue. 

The fire.
The flames.

It flicked through his thoughts as he slowly nodded, hands moving to rub at his mouth. 
So he was...
He...somehow was...alive. 

Me: Alright! Here's a great beginning to a story conce--
Brain: Let's skip to the epilogue. It will be great!
Me: ....how about we figure out the rest of the story first?
Brain: But the epilogue is sooo cool! It takes place ten years later!!

Me at work: ALL THE IDEAS!!! So much Inspiration to write. All these plans to write when I get home and crank out like twelve stories. 

Me at home: Wat r werds?

Aftershocks

Do you ever get headaches in response to headaches?
Pretty sure I did.

Where it's like a reverberation headache?
An after shock?

Like you have the one major earthquake, but then you can feel aftershocks after the original one?

Yah, pretty sure that's what I'm experiencing now.
One of those aftershock headaches from the major one I experienced yesterday. *exhales* 

At least with aftershock headaches they're not as bad as the original one,
But they are still irritating to deal with.
Especially when you can feel one coming on and know that there's no real way to stop it from occurring. *exhales*

So now it's back to figuring out what the combination lock is this time around for getting rid of my headache...

Delayed Tension

I'm pretty sure it was a delayed stress reaction.
I mean, I was exhausted last night when I finally went to bed.
And who knows why exactly, but I woke up early this morning with a pounding headache.
The type that is just agony really. 

Which, considering I had gone to bed at a reasonable time and slept restfully until that point...
I couldn't comprehend why I got this headache that felt like a nail was getting hammered into my head. 

*exhales*
I can only guess it was stress.
Stress from work, stress from almost not being able to buy the fish I wanted, stress from not being able to write what I wanted because the internet was down before I had work and I was mentally dead after work...

And unlike the normal stress headaches where I take some meds, get some sleep and have a heat pack on my sore shoulders....
This headache refused to leave.

Nothing I did would help it.
Not sleep, not a hot shower, not Advil or Excedrin, massage stones, heat rocks, drinking water, eating something, having caffeine. Nothing. 

It was horrible. 
It wasn't going away.

It only went away after I took some prescription medicine for headaches.
-Medicine I try to avoid taking because I always feel...off after taking it. Tired. Meh. Just...not energetic.

But it thankfully did the trick.
Finally relaxing my muscles and forcing the headache to go away. 

So glad that I'm free again from the headache....for now. 

Me: After work I'll write!
Brain: Sweet! Let me think of all these concepts for us to write when we get home. 
Me: Great! I'll just work in the meantime. 
*one work shift later* 
Me: Sooo dead tired.
Brain: Can't...think.
Me: Bed?
Brain: Bed. 

Me and Brain: LET'S WRITE!!
Internet: *goes out*
Me and Brain: Noooo!!! All our documents are online!!! Agh!!!

More and Faster

I slumped against the wall, biting my lip hard to prevent me from making a sound. I couldn't...I couldn't believe it. I closed my eyes in a futile effort to keep my tears from falling. After all the work I'd done, after I'd run myself ragged to try and get everything presentable...my managers had thought I should have done it faster? That I should have been able to throw together this presentation that they'd pushed onto me last minute in a quicker fashion? How?! Did they have no concept of how much time it took to gather everything together? I'd barely managed to pull it all off in the first place! And they thought I should have done more? My hands clenched. Well screw them. Next time they needed a presentation done last minute, I would be conveniently unavailable. Let them see how well they could pull a presentation off when they had to do it themselves. 

-Inspiration from a conversation at work

Me: Okay! We had a good day of writing yesterday, let's continue it!
Brain: YAH!
Life: How about you suddenly get really busy being social with friends and with work? 
Me & Brain: NOOOOOO!!!!!!

If I Ever -Have A Vending Machine

If I Ever -own a vending machine.

I'm going to make it an engraving/dog tag vending machine.

Where you simply select the style of tag you want, decide what information you want on it. Pay for the tag at the machine and then Engrave it.

It definitely would speed up the process compared to what we have at work currently where customers have to find the tag they want, pay at the register, then go to the engraver to engrave their tag. 

It could open up a ton of other possibilities too if I had an engraving machine with the tags already inside. 

Like I could market it towards other things as well.
Like creating soldier dog tags, 
or something similar to the squished pennies you find in souvenir shops.
Or jewelry accessories like bracelets or necklaces.

It could be fun.

So long as I made sure to keep all the options of tags in stock.
Which...I would probably create an app or something that's connected to my vending machine and I can check in from my phone or computer and see how my stock is holding up, and get alerted when a tag is out of stock in the machine.
That would be handy, for sure. Then I'd know exactly what I would need to bring to my vending machine to reload it up. No guessing or surprises when I reload the machine.

Stuck

It's that sort of tired that just leaves you stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Stay up, ignore the tired, and you end up with a headache.
Go take a nap, try to rest up, and...you end up with a headache.

There's no real way to win really, when I get that sort of tired,
The exhaustion behind the eyes, the weariness that begs you to sleep but your brain is too active and your body too tense from work to fully relax. 

I tried the nap aspect today. Get some rest.
And while it helped to rest me up.
It didn't mean that I escaped from the headache that appeared once I became conscious and opened my eyes.
*exhales*

Thankfully it didn't stay long, but it definitely wasn't fun to deal with while I had it because it made me sensitive to light temporarily.

Brain: So, you know that cool picture you saw a couple of hours ago?
Me: Yah? It was pretty cool wasn't it?
Brain: Rather inspiring, wouldn't you say?
Me: Definitely. 
Brain: Great! So here's my ideas on a story we can base off of it! You game?
Me: O.O..... SURE! 
Brain: *commences plotting* 
Me: *commences writing* 

Time Crunch

It was the stress of work. 
Trying to get everything done,
and then quickly trying to do some shopping afterwards, on a time crunch, so that I could get some new fish home on time and then journey up to see my family....
all without the opportunity to stop to rest and relax....
Kinda just tensed me up.

Luckily it wasn't too much of a headache today. Gone within a couple of hours,
But still it was there. 

Brain: So you know this once concept you had?
Me: Yah?
Brain: Well, how about we do that concept....but then rewrite it so different people are involved in each version! 
Me: .....
Brain: Come on! It will be fun!
Me: .....Okay.....I guess we could....

Me: Alright! Let's write some stories!
Brain: @_@ sooo many dead fish...
Me: Yah...that was rather sad at work today, but seriously the stor---
Brain: DEAD FISH!! EVERYWHERE!
Me: ....Yes....
Brain: Just floating there. Lifeless. Hundreds of them!!! 
Me: ....really....we could be writing right now, we don't need to focus on that...
Brain: @_@ Yes. We. Do. 
Me: *bangs head against wall*